Sunday, 1 May 2011

Applications to the Urbantramper company recruitment evening

Some of the star cover letters for that special night, one year ago, when we celebrated the release of the Workers' Album with a recruitment drive for the Urbantramper company (names have been deleted to spare the feelings of those who missed out):

From: ---
Date: Sat, May 1, 2010 at 4:35 PM
Subject: job ref # 80085. application

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to register my interest in attending your group interview to be held this evening as advertised on Facebook. I believe that the skills and knowledge that I have acquired through my education and prior employment paired with my "go getter" attitude and love of everything funky would make me a perfect candidate for this position.

I am a corporate climber. I only want to work for the best, and in return can offer you my services as the best at what I do. I follow instructions, love bureaucracy and most of all have no problem in selling aspects and images of my lifestyle and lifestyles that may be considered funky or alternative for money, although only after I have emptied said lifestyles of any political or personal importance.

I look forward to meeting with you and finding out more about the exciting opportunities available at your company.

Yours sincerely

Sat 1 May 2010

Dear Sir/Madam,

I was highly aroused to discover that the Urbantramper Company has an opening to be filled. I am extremely excited at the prospect of trying out one - or even multiple - positions at the Urbantramper Company.

I am dextrous and flexible – I am a firm and dominant leader, but I am also comfortable working underneath others in submissive positions. I am more than happy to get my hands dirty, and I have fantastic oral skills too. I always rise to the occasion under pressure, and I really enjoy being pushed hard. I have a warm and vibrant air, and a natural flair for putting people at ease during sticky situations. I am a confident team player, and I have an unwavering desire to achieve results that will satisfy all involved.

I have great assets that the Urbantramper Company can take full advantage of. If my application is successful, the Urbantrmper Company will get to experience a passionate and dedicated new member.

I really really look forward to hearing from you,

Yours faithfully,

From: ---
Date: Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 2:52 PM
Subject: Application for position of administration worker bee

My name is ---- and I wish to apply for the advertised position of an administration person for your company Urbantramper. Please find attached my cover letter which details my exceptional qualifications which are perfectly tailored for the position.

30 April 2010

Having considered the skills required for the position I consider myself to be an excellent candidate for the position required. My skills are as follows:

· I am absolutely a “yes” person – I will say yes to anyone.

· I have absolutely no independent thought and therefore will not be required to go to the effort of suppressing an inquiring mind. As a consequence I am able to spend time (which would other wise be wasted by other candidates) mindlessly performing all and any arbitrary requests without question. I believe this skill in and of itself makes me an excellent candidate for the position.

· I am slavish in my attention to detail. Previous employers have praised my attention to detail in glowing terms such as “a pedant to the extreme” and “doctrinaire to the extreme”. Clearly I am not able to see the big picture (an over-rated characteristic in my opinion) and prefer to spend my valuable time on hair-splitting and minor ineffectual detail. Again I think the skill to doggedly persevere despite any reasoned and pragmatic objections to the contrary can only be seen as a positive.

I am looking forward to participating in the group interview and am sure you will find me worthy of such an important role.

Yours, with god


From: ---
Date: Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 9:35 AM
Subject: Application for position 80085

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to apply for the advertised position 80085. I believe I am an excellent candidate for this position. I am a dynamic self-starter with excellent time management and organisational skills, who has great written and oral communicator and is ambitious for New Zealand.

I am committed to the ethos of the Urbantramper Company and would relish the opportunity to contribute to the mission of Urbantramper. I believe I have a lot to offer.

I look forward to your prompt response,

Kind regards,

From: ---
Date: Mon, Apr 12, 2010 at 9:27 AM
Subject: Fwd: Job application

Please find attached my CV and application for the advertised position.

I hope to hear from you shortly, if you have any question please feel free to contact me at any time (except after midday weekdays, and before midday weekends).


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